See Who I Am
by Patronus
Summary: Again a piece of my Kataang fanfiction from Avatar Hot Fest. A try to find Guru Pathik's mistake and polemicize  with him.


**Катара|Аанг. See Who I Am**

This was written as an execution of a song-challenge: listening to the song I was supposed to write a scene with the characters given. And here it is. The idea of it was rather old, but the song fit it perfectly and... I liked the result. Although it feels too fluffy. It is rather obvious to me that Guru wasn't too wise pushing Aang to certain decisions. However we all know that they had been running out of time and didn't have much of it for smooth and long educational course "How to become the Avatar". Anyway I am pretty sure that Aang is an exclusion of all the rules and he is wise and ready enough to make his own, original decisions and find the way different from what he was told... In fact he demonstrated it perfectly fighting Ozai.

Ok, this becomes too long. Read and enjoy. Hopefully )

* * *

_See who I am,_  
_Break through the surface._  
_Reach for my hand,_  
_Let's show them that we can_  
_Free our minds and find a way._  
_The world is in our hands,_  
_This is not the end._

_Within Temptation - See Who I Am_

"It is already late at night, but I can't sleep - I'm too excited by the events of the day. The full moon in the sky, and thousands of thoughts and plans and dreams ... From here the sleeping city seems to be a pattern on the carapace of a giant turtle, which according to legend holds the whole world on its back. The ancient monster is breathing quietly during its sleep causing the sharp edges of the pattern sparkle in the moonlight, and does not even suspect that here, almost at the top of its carapace there sleeps another being, in whose strong hands, as if in a cradle, the newborn world, the regained future is resting... "

Katara raises her head again to look out of the window at the spread out Ba Sing Se, and carefully breaths out. Her thoughts again rush back to the Avatar, with whom she parted not more than an hour ago, and her heart, trying to catch up with them, starts up at a gallop. Her gaze fixed upon the night is drowning in the memories of the past evening.

His eyes are so close and so serious... One more look before the fingers untangle, one more kiss, very innocent, for the last time, before going to bed...  
"Aang!" she moves away from him, feeling the soft touch of his tongue to her lips, and looks at him reproachfully, but she's not able to be serious, and the accusation dissolves in a quiet contented laughter. "It's time to sleep."

"I can't sleep", he whispers. "I'm afraid to wake up and discover that everything was just a dream!

Katara laughs again, looking into his pleading eyes.

"Too much excitement for one day, we need rest", she tries to persuade him, knowing that she won't sleep either. She wishes they could sleep again under the open sky, so close - within arm's reach, listening to his breathing, thinking about his dreams... "I know what will help you to fall asleep! Try to count your previous incarnations, remember their names and the names of their beloved - sure, very soon you will sleep soundly."  
Finally she manages to persuade him to see her to the room, but as soon as the door closes, separating them, she's pierced by a strange thought, that freezes her insides: does Aang remember those whom he was in love with in his former lives? What do they mean to him? And do they mean anything at all?

This idea seems alien to her, it breaks from outside like a winter wind, blowing the warm feeling of hope coming true from her chest. Panic and fear creep over her skin like snakes, causing a wave of chills, and if a moment ago, she still hoped to be able to calm down and go to sleep, now she imagines as if the invisible shadows of the previous Avatars surround her, depriving of confidence and peace. The fear of the uncertainty abyss overwhelms, she wants to scream, run away from this room to find Aang, to hide her face against his chest. And in the moment when she finds the door handle, ready to fling it, she realizes that she can not explain her horror to him, can not ask the right question, the answer to which would comfort her...

Katara shivers with cold and goes to the table with writing accessories. She opens the window because she lacks air and picks up a brush. If I entrust my thoughts to paper, the need to express them clearly will help me to understand myself. If I try to see it through his eyes, maybe the questions will vanish by themselves and fear of losing him forever among his former lives will go...

"He will live forever - and after my death, he lived long before my birth, I am just a moment in the long chain of his incarnations. How can I hope to become a part of his immortality? He never talked about those whom he loved once like they didn't exist at all. Does he remember his dreams, the caresses of those who touched his previous incarnations? Will he remember me a hundred years later, reborn in another body?

Contradictions. I want it all back, to the time when nothing was decided between us, when I could just leave and build my life away from him, hoping that someone else, who would be less selfish and more daring make him happy... And at the same time - as when he lay wounded in my arms after the fall of Ba Sing Se - I want to keep him close, feeling his warmth, his life, listen to his heart and never let go, not for a moment, knowing this heart belongs only to me, even if I have to share it with the entire world, which he keeps caring in his hands.

And perhaps, if I have enough patience and persistence, if my heart is enough to love him and the whole world, lying in his arms, then hundreds of years after me another boy from a different nation, within whom will live Aang, half asleep will suddenly remember my name, and his sleep will be deep and calm".

* * *

Leaning against the door, he listens to her excited breathing and her tocsin-like heartbeat, then he feels Katara walk away, hears her light footsteps, the sound of wide-open window, the rustle of paper... It looks like she can not sleep, though she tried to convince him otherwise. Take the glider and fly to the window of her room? She will call him a boy again, as though he does not know that he is too young... For what?

Katara's suggestion to count his previous lives to fall asleep, to remember the names of their lovers awakened the memories of strange dreams in him. Sometimes he would wake up, sure that some of the previous Avatars showed him the pictures of their lives in his dream. He vaguely remembered the faces of people who had never met in reality, his own heart beating in his sleep under the pressure of alien desires and worries. But he did not want to remember it. He dissociated himself from these dreams of others' feelings and alien earthly attachments...

Aang turns to go to his room, but suddenly rethinks and returns to the balcony: how can he sleep in this night, the happiest night of his entire life! Moment by moment, he is undergoing the hours that they spent together with Katara, he feels her hands on his back again, it seems like the silk of her hair runs through his fingers, that the soft fragrant lips are being pressed to his mouth...

He suddenly interrupts himself, pushes the welcome memory away, feeling a bit light-headed, as if going into the Avatar state. Frightened, he watches his tattoos - they do not glow and yet something's worrying him. The feeling whirls as a bat on the border between light and shadow, and he still can not eye its outlines.

The boy makes a few meditative breaths, trying to focus on the elusive sensation. And suddenly a painful feeling of loss burns inside - and instead of the familiar chain of incarnations there are other faces flashing in his memory: Avatar Roku's bride in a wedding attire; a stern man with massive handsome features - he was remembered by Avatar Kyoshi; dark-haired and dark-eyed fiance of Avatar Kuruk; a young man, secretly watching the flight of winged Yangchen from the tower of the Air Temple and thinking she doesn't not see him; faces, eyes shining with tenderness and happiness filled his mind, threatening to break the boy's heart. They formed a chain as long and durable as all his previous incarnations did, and now they reached from the cold of nothingness for the fire within him, whose name was Katara. They watched her through his eyes, touched her skin with his hands, loved her with all their hearts. His heart. And the Universe sang and throbbed in his veins with a myriad of flare stars, responding to the rhythmic beat in his chest.

The Avatar turns around and his look stumbles over the girl's figure, motionless on the threshold of the balcony. Her eyes are concern and tenderness. He approaches her, takes her hand and looks at her, letting the hundreds of other loving eyes reflect in this gaze...

Her eyebrows flinch, she stares into his face as if beginning to guess about something, and suddenly it slips from her lips:

"I will always be with you".

He feels an incredible outburst of happiness inside - hundreds of hearts, beating in chorus, thousands of stars, hugging them by their radiance.  
"I will always love you".


End file.
